It's been over three months since Duke finished his first 100 mile race, The Marin Headlands, and I still am having a hard time putting into words that surreal weekend. (And it's the first time he's really been back to training were I am home by myself again with time to write. #ultrarunnerwidow) The weekend started off with the usual 4:00am wakeup call. (The things I do for my husband.) But that was only to be the beginning. We drove up to Rodeo Beach in Marin County from our home in the South Bay. During the hour + drive, the sky began to get light but the clouds and fog decided to hide the face of the sun. No cheery sunrise for me that Duke is so often gleefully bragging about seeing as an ultrarunner. "Oh Mart, it's so great to get up in the dark and start running because you get to see the most gorgeous sunrise!" Sure you do. We arrived with plenty of time for him to check in and visit with the other runners (or idiots if you prefer, #idiotultrarunner).
The runners lined up and the race director, John Brooks, gave a short but sweet speech and without any fanfare, the runners were off. Duke had said he didn't need me at the first aid station but as I was grabbing coffee in town, my instincts heard to go back and meet him. It paid off as his shorts he was wearing were chaffing and he needed the ones that were in the van, not his drop bag. He changed quickly and was on his way.
The next aid station I saw him at was around mile 25, Tennessee Valley. He was looking good and feeling great. (See picture below.) I would see Duke here several times and it was here that our dear friend Ramiro arrived to pace Duke. For the next 24 hours, he would either keep Duke company or sleep with me in the van. Nothing like being the ultrarunnerwidow and sleeping with another man when your husband is running!
The next time I saw Duke was under the Golden Gate and this was where I would go to sleep and wake up that night. Not too shabby! It was also here that Duke arrived with a small limp. He said that he had gotten a calf cramp but that he thought it would work itself out. I did some Reiki energy work on it and sent him on his way. I saw him again at Tennessee Valley and he indicated that his calf was better. He looked tired but in good spirits so Ramiro and I left to go get some sleep under the Bridge.
Duke arrived under the bridge early that morning. He was definitely tired but his nutrition and hydration seemed to be completely on track for him to continue. He left the aid station that morning after having some hot oatmeal that I had made for him and with Ramiro to accompany him. I headed back to town to get them hot breakfast sandwiches and to get myself warmed up. I haven't mentioned that this entire time the wind has blown incessantly and the fog has been thick enough to cut it with a knife. The only way to get warm is to get in the van and turn it on or crawl in my sleeping bag and pull it over my head. Again, the things I do for my husband.
With breakfast sandwiches in hand, I arrived back at Tennessee Valley in time to meet the guys as they slowly came through. By this time Duke had been up for over 28 hours. He was looking a little worn down. What I didn't know was that his calf was still cramping and he was in pain. They took their food and headed down (up) the trail. They were to make an 8 mile loop out to Muir Beach and back to T.V. With the pace he was going I estimated that he would be back to T.V. in about 3-4 hours with his arrival time being around noon. By 1:00, I was getting nervous. Most runners had already come through the aid station. I began walking to meet them. What I thought would be a short 1/2 mile walk turned into over a mile before I finally spotted Duke limping down the steep fire road coming off the ridge. He was moving excruciatingly slowly and I knew that he was in trouble. I used what cell coverage I had to post on FB for prayers and energy for him to all my friends that do energy work. I even called a dear friend up in the far corner of MT to ask her to send healing Reiki energy to him. When I reached them, I had Duke lie down and I ran Reiki in his leg. When I touched his calf gently he yelled out at me in pain. This wasn't good. We got him up and started walking him down the trail. The closer we got to T.V., the better Duke started to walk. I mentioned this to him and he started to feel a bit better.
By the time we got to T.V. he had and hour and a half to finish the last 4.1 miles. With how slowly he was moving, he wasn't going to make the time cutoff. The aid station leader was on the phone with John, the race director, when we arrived. Duke asked him to ask John if there was any leeway with the cutoff time. (That's the nice thing about small races, it's all about helping people succeed.) He told Duke that if he thought he could finish within reason, that he would get his buckle. I was going to walk Duke in but he grabbed some food and took off before I could grab my water bottle and change my pants. Ramiro caught up to him and I went back to the van to drive back to the finish line. When I arrived only a handful of people were left out on the course. As the minutes ticked by, I saw each person cross the finish line and I anxiously waited for Duke to come over the ridge. The official cutoff time was 4:00. At around 3:50, I saw Duke appear over the top of the ridge. I started screaming to him, "Motivate your ass down that hill, Marine!". I was screaming and had tears streaming down my face. He came across the finish line with just over three minutes to spare. No extended cutoff was needed! I had never been so proud of someone in my life nor had I felt so keenly the pain, pride of accomplishment and sense of deep personal growth of another human being.
Ramiro and Duke celebrating together.
Duke couldn't walk without help when he was done. He body was shocky and he couldn't get warm. That night we were in bed and I reached over to touch Duke's forehead. He was burning up. I panicked and hauled him to the ER. They ran some X-rays, gave him an IV and took some blood tests. I found myself sleeping in my car again that night while he was in the hospital bed. It turns out that he was fine but I was glad to have the confirmation. When I woke up the next morning, I had no voice. If you've read my previous blog posts, you know that I'm a singer. That is NOT a good thing to lose! It turns out that I had also made the ultimate sacrifice for the weekend. Was it worth it?
The Marin Headlands race is a much smaller race with an intimate atmosphere to it that I actually began to really appreciate. When the runners started to line up, what in hindsight was an auspicious omen, turned up on the hillside. A coyote was spotted very close to the starting line. Why was it auspicious, one might ask. Here are a few things that the coyote spiritually means to the Native Americans and those of us who follow an earth based spirituality:
- Jokester
- Adaptability
- Playfulness
- Reveal the truth behind illusion and chaos
- Beware of the dark side of things and play on your resources
- Paradoxical nature, personality difficult to categorize
As I look at that list, I see the attributes needed for a runner to finish a major race such as this. When things get tough, making a joke can really ease the tension. Duke is a master at bad dad jokes so he's a natural at keeping things light on the trail.
Being adaptable speaks for itself. If you aren't adaptable, you aren't going to finish the race. In fact, you probably won't even start!
A sense of playfulness must be required to keep the fun going for that many hours. You can't take yourself too seriously or you will get to caught up in your own brain web of self doubt.
Which then brings me to seeing one's own personal truth amidst the chaos, i.e. "am I tough enough to finish this journey?". It seems to be that runners have to look at the pain as being an illusion otherwise they would just quit, or they go to the dark side. And the dark side is when the Jokester needs to be used again.
The last quality of the coyote, "personality difficult to categorize", well, those of us that live with an ultra runner know what this means. They are in a category all of their own! Having a paradoxical nature maybe one of the main things that keeps an ultra runner going. The fact that they can contradict their own brain into believing that they aren't in pain and that they can keep going is an amazing feat!
When that coyote presented itself, I choose to believe that it was telling Duke and the other runners that it was there to support them and give them the courage they needed to accomplish their goal for that weekend. Each one of these races is a journey into the physical, emotional, and spiritual depths of ones being. Although most of us can't understand why these runners do what they do, we can certainly understand the need to access those deeps parts of our souls. Crewing Duke through this deep process was an honor. I watched that part of him emerge that is the strongest and yet the most vulnerable. And yet, when we are at our most vulnerable, that is when we are the strongest. When two souls get to share that intimate process, a connection or re-connection is made. We both said that we felt stronger and more emotionally bonded after the experience. Who knew that a stupid 100 mile foot race could make a marriage grow stronger! So, yes, it was worth it!
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