Believe it or not, the subject of bowel movements comes up often in an ultra runners household. You would think that it is a moot point as normally if we need to use the facilities we do so without discussing it. But what do you do when there AREN'T any facilities? This is the crux of the conversations that I am "privy" to in my house. And yes, puns are intended throughout this post. How else am I going to add levity to this poopy subject?
For those of you that are not part of an ultra runners "running" dialogue after their weekly outings, let me take you through a typical conversation when my husband gets home.
Me: How was your run?
Duke: Good!...Great!
Me: Good!.......So.......(knowing full well that the poop, I mean scoop, would come out sooner or later and we might as well hear about while it's fresh.)
Duke: Well, I ended up turning around at the cutoff instead of taking it as planned due to the fact that there was no trail there.....(this goes on for a while)
Me: mm-hmmm....mm-hmmmm (etc.)
*silence*
Duke: Actually, I needed to poop and couldn't decide if I should go while I was out there and if so, where should I go.
(here it comes)
Duke: I thought there would be an outhouse at "X" point but there wasn't. I could have gone at "Y" but that place is gross. (This is a prior service Marine with with war experience we are listening to. If he thinks it's gross, it most likely is.) At that point I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I really needed to go!
(I am now rolling my eyes wondering when this crappy subject was going to end.)
Duke: Then I saw these really big leaves! So I gathered a bunch up and ran to a spot that was private enough. It worked great!
Me: Okaaaaaayyyyy...glad it all came out ok. Maybe you should carry some T.P. with you just in case.
Duke: Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
OK. Why is he just thinking about it?! Just do it for shit's sake! Just take the damn T.P. and be prepared! You can then just go whenever the need strikes. No worries over what clean up tools you will use! AND I won't have to hear about your worries over where, when, and how you were going to take a dump. Apparently this isn't just an issue with my husband. I got to hear about this from his runner friend over the weekend who's wife backed up the fact that she hears about it too.
For those of you that are not part of an ultra runners "running" dialogue after their weekly outings, let me take you through a typical conversation when my husband gets home.
Me: How was your run?
Duke: Good!...Great!
Me: Good!.......So.......(knowing full well that the poop, I mean scoop, would come out sooner or later and we might as well hear about while it's fresh.)
Duke: Well, I ended up turning around at the cutoff instead of taking it as planned due to the fact that there was no trail there.....(this goes on for a while)
Me: mm-hmmm....mm-hmmmm (etc.)
*silence*
Duke: Actually, I needed to poop and couldn't decide if I should go while I was out there and if so, where should I go.
(here it comes)
Duke: I thought there would be an outhouse at "X" point but there wasn't. I could have gone at "Y" but that place is gross. (This is a prior service Marine with with war experience we are listening to. If he thinks it's gross, it most likely is.) At that point I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I really needed to go!
(I am now rolling my eyes wondering when this crappy subject was going to end.)
Duke: Then I saw these really big leaves! So I gathered a bunch up and ran to a spot that was private enough. It worked great!
Me: Okaaaaaayyyyy...glad it all came out ok. Maybe you should carry some T.P. with you just in case.
Duke: Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
OK. Why is he just thinking about it?! Just do it for shit's sake! Just take the damn T.P. and be prepared! You can then just go whenever the need strikes. No worries over what clean up tools you will use! AND I won't have to hear about your worries over where, when, and how you were going to take a dump. Apparently this isn't just an issue with my husband. I got to hear about this from his runner friend over the weekend who's wife backed up the fact that she hears about it too.
My question is, why do we have to talk about it? I mean, I know that we all poop. It's like Number 2 on our list of important things to do everyday, next to Number 1. But do we really need to talk about it? Apparently, we do. So my next question is, why?! When I asked Duke about this his answer was, of course, quite simple.
Because it's fun!
Fun for you, my dear, but it's really shitty for me to listen to!
