It Takes One to Know One

I will admit, I have been kind of ticked off at Duke the last 24 hours. And I will admit that that my mood has been slowly developing the last two weeks. Why two weeks ago, you ask, and not three years ago? Maybe it's because it was around two weeks ago that I officially said I would start really supporting his running. I made this decision when I realized that he was really serious about running his first 100 miler.

When Duke signed up for his first 100 mile, he informed me that it will the Angeles Crest 100. I had just heard about this race via his comments that some of the best runners he knows had DNF'd this summer. NOT a good sign for his first 100 mile! Friends told him he should do an easier 100 mile before AC 100 for "practice". I agreed that it was not only a good idea but really essential for his success at the AC 100. After all, I don't need the father of my children dying out on the trail due to lack of training. So logic says, one must prepare for the big event properly....

WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So now my husband's training schedule has changed. More runs, longer runs, more core workouts, and more cross training. Yesterday morning (Friday), instead of having coffee with me, he rode his bike down the mountain from our house into work. That's when I got ticked off. And I stayed in that mood. Only a visit to the salon to get my hair washed seemed to perk me up. (It was either that or retail therapy and so I chose the cheaper one.) By last night I was in a slightly better mood as we had company over to the house for drinks and it was a nice distraction. That is until Duke started getting his running things together while we were still entertaining guests!

By this time I knew I had better figure out how I was going to handle the next several years of my life. I knew I couldn't stay angry at Duke or the situation or else we were going to have major problems. That's when I had to ask myself, "Why are you supporting this? You know that if you asked Duke to stay home, he would! What is it that makes you want to not only support him but even coach him a little? Why are you ok with dragging the whole family out camping in the Sierra's just so Duke can have a training run?" Then it hit me: It takes one, to know one.

What do I mean by this? Well, you have to know a little bit about me to understand how I am like an ultra runner without actually running. When you think about it, it takes a certain kind of obsessive psyche to dedicate oneself to something as dramatic as ultra running. So, you ask, what is as dramatic as ultra running? I would have to say drama itself. The ultimate form of over the top drama: Opera. I am a trained opera singer and voice teacher. I started training to be a musician when I was four years old. My parents are also musicians, my mother a pianist, my father a singer. I was born into the obsessive, dramatic, beautifully stressful, and creative world of the arts where nothing is done "half assed". You leave it all out on the floor or you don't bother!

I can remember directing a rehearsal with some college students a few years back. I was totally focused on the job at hand as we only had a week to put the show together. At one point my mother (the rehearsal pianist) stopped me quietly and said, "Ummmm, Martha, maybe you should take a break. It's been 6 hours since you started and you haven't stopped. You need to eat." I was afraid to stop and sit down for fear I wouldn't be able to get back up.

I can also remember the numerous times where I had practiced for weeks on a program or audition only to get sick the two days before and have to cancel. If I had just taken the time to recover and rest while rehearsing during those weeks, I may not have gotten sick. Or maybe I would have anyway. It's hard to say. But recovery is 30% of the rehearsal process. Or is it 30% of the training process?

When I'm in a rehearsal, I can literally lose track of time. It's ceases to exist. The only thing that is real is the music I am singing, the sounds coming out of the group I am directing onstage, the emotions being portrayed by singer in front of me, or the fascination with the voice I am working with at that moment.

When I am in the process of preparing for a recital the music constantly is running through my head. While I'm driving to pick up the kids I am thinking about what I could do differently to express that particular lyric in a way that will reach my audience. I am thinking about what I could have differently in rehearsal to produce the sounds that I am looking for. What physical thing could I have done to make it sound better? I didn't feel very well during rehearsal. Did I not eat enough? Did I eat too much? Was I hydrated enough? Did I not warm up enough?

Hmmmmmm.... Nothing is done half assed, you need to take a break and eat, I was afraid to stop for fear of not getting going again, I need to rest and recover, I lose track of time, did I eat enough, have I drank enough, etc. etc.?? Doesn't this sound like an ultra runner's head? Yeah, it takes one to know one.

So as I sit here writing and waiting for Duke to get done running, I do it with love and patience because I know what it is like to be obsessed with something you love. I know what a rush it is to be in your element. And I know that when I ask to do my thing, he will always be there to support me. Now if I can just get him to crew for my recital this coming spring...

A New "Normal"

It's been a long time since I have posted on this blog and I decided that I needed to change the title to align more with our current lives. Interestingly, I started this blog when we were living in Switzerland. But, due to a habit that Duke picked up while we were living there, our lives have shifted somewhat dramatically.  At the time, though, I had no clue that his habit would become a mainstay in our lives. So much so, that I have become an "ultra runner widow".

Let me take a moment to give an explanation for why I am calling myself a "widow". There is a well known term in the surfing world that is used by the hundreds of women who wake up in the morning to an empty bed. NOT because the spouse is dead. NOT because their spouse is at work. NOT for any life threatening reason. Oh no, this would actually make sense and be an acceptable reason for waking up alone. No, these women know that their spouse is out in the ocean, sitting on a surf board, waiting for the next wave in hopes that it will push them towards the shore on a beautiful sleek wave that lasts for several minutes. The reality is that they most likely will be lucky enough to catch a half a dozen short, choppy waves in the 2-3 hours that they are out there. But it doesn't matter to them because, they are out there. So this feeling of being partially abandoned was eventually labeled as being a "surf widow". This is NOT meant to offend actual widows, obviously!

How do I know all of the above? Because at one time, I was a surf widow. Then we moved to Montana. And then Switzerland. And, of course, the surf was no longer accessible to Duke. So I no longer was abandoned in the mornings for hours on end! We actually spent time together in bed on Saturday mornings. He was around for breakfast and the kids were able to see him first thing when they woke up. It was so nice!

I should have enjoyed it more while I had it. I should have known that it wasn't going to last. I must digress a brief moment and explain that Duke has always been early riser. So I expect him to get up and go for a walk with the dog or a short run. It's not like I don't want him to have some time to himself and enjoy the outdoors. It's good for his physical health and even better for his mental health. So I definitely don't begrudge this time he takes for himself because it makes my life easier with him as well. I just didn't expect his exercising to take the form of something so intense and all consuming. What am I saying! It's Duke we are talking about! He doesn't do anything half assed. If 10 miles is good 20 has to better. If 20 is good well then 40 is much, much better. Thanks to a "friend" in Switzerland, this became the new fascination.

I could take the next two paragraphs trying to explain this psycho phenomenon but I think that the video below says it all!

Now that you have some knowledge of what ultra running is, you might start to understand why I have coined the phrase "ultra runner widow" for myself and any other person who lives with (and is abandoned by) an ultra runner. And yes, the video is pretty accurate.

One final note, please know that the majority of this post is all pretty much tongue in cheek as I am hopelessly proud of my husband and his accomplishments! And although he might not get home for breakfast....or lunch....and maybe even dinner, I know that he is there when it is most important! And it also means I can go do whatever I want, pretty much whenever I want. Nice trade off, huh?!