Wednesday, June 8, 2016

I Told You I'd Come Around

The last post I wrote was a tirade on my issues over being an Ultrarunner Widow. I complained about being neglected, that the kids needed more fatherly attention, and that I was angry about being sick and jealous of his ability to run the way he does. As I wrote that post, I knew deep down that I had to figure out how to get past the issues in order to, at the bare minimum, get on with our lives.  I told him that I needed some time to come to terms with my disease and to accept that things were going to be different than I had hoped. I know Duke was very doubtful that I would be able to in any decent amount of time. Knowing him, he probably didn't think I would at all! (He's a bit negative sometimes.) But it's amazing how wanting to give someone a present makes you think outside of your own personal world.

Two weeks before Memorial Day weekend, when I was planning the schedule for the next two months, I realized that Father's Day fell on our daughter's birthday this year. I knew that I needed to somehow separate the two in order to honor both of them equally. It just so happened that Western States training camp had a spot open on that Sunday so I asked Duke if he would like me to buy him a slot for that day and go camping for the weekend to celebrate his big day. This was a no brainer!

Friday arrived and we took the kids out of school early, in order to avoid some traffic, and headed to Auburn. Despite our best efforts we still had some of the usual nasty, traffic filled drive. We ended up at a gorgeous camp spot which made up for it. The evening was spent having hotdogs and S'mores. (Best camp food ever!) The next morning, we started our real gift to Duke. We hopped in the van and headed out to volunteer at the aid station for Saturday's run. It ended up being a lovely morning and early afternoon spent with people that were fun to be around. The kids were awesome and jumped right in helping out setting things up and helping the runners. When the bees arrived and several people got stung I happened to have my essential oil case along and therefore had lavender to put on their welts. We even got to help Gunhild Swanson!



That evening we were back at the camp with more food and time spent together as a family. Sunday morning we woke up early (again!) and took Duke to the start for the Sunday run from Foresthill Elementary to Driver's Flat. While he ran, I spent my time taking the kids to breakfast, driving back to camp, talking about the various brilliant sections of JK Rowling's writing in Harry Potter and taking a nap. The kids decided that they didn't want their dad to have to pack up camp, so the three of us packed up everything and headed back into town to pick Duke up and drove into Auburn for the Trails In Motion film festival. Although we had family time and even got to go swimming at the hotel that afternoon, as you can see, the weekend revolved around running.

Less than two weeks later, I was on a plane to San Diego, having left our kids in the care of VERY good friends (Tina and Ramiro we love you!), in order to crew Duke in the SD100 during an unseasonable heat wave. Duke flew into Orange County the day before and his brother, Sonny, picked him up and drove them to the hotel near the start. Sonny got him to the starting line the next morning and while he was waiting for me to arrive, he went for a run himself. He informed me that he was glad he wasn't running in the heat! By that afternoon, the heat index was 108 degrees!


Because of the way the aid stations were placed on the route, I was't able to see Duke until 7:30 that night. He came jogging in but looked like partial death. (I found out later that he jogged into the aid station just so that I would feel better about how he was doing.) He spent a half an hour there trying to drink some broth and eat something. Being the ever positive one, I figured he would get a second wind and be great within 15-20 minutes.

Sonny and I packed up the car and drove to the next crewing area. Duke was to arrive there around 9:30. By 10:45 Duke had not arrived and I was getting antsy. So I put on my headlamp and began walking up the trail to meet him. At least a 1/4 of a mile later I found him stumbling along with his headlamp in his hand. I walked him to the car where in collapsed into a chair. He said he hadn't been able to drink for the past hour at least. The kicker at this point was that where we were meeting him wasn't the official aid station. It was just a place that the runners could meet their crew briefly. He still had 1.3 miles to go and needed to get there by midnight or he would be kicked off the course. We fixed him more broth and I "paced" him the next 1.3 miles, the plan being that I would get him there and walk/run back to the car by myself. At 11:15 or so we began the final leg of his death march. I held his mug of broth and stopped him every few yards and would say "drink". He nibbled at some crackers and stumbled along the horrifically dusty road. It took us 40 minutes to reach the aid station. He had 2 minutes to eat, get his night gear, refill his water, and go. That wasn't going to happen. Duke sat down, shook his head and said he wasn't going to make it. I looked into his eyes and felt the depth of his disappointment. I bent over and held him in support. I think he would of cried but he was too damned tired! Within five minutes of sitting down he was asleep in the chair.

At this point we waited for a car to come get us and drive us back to the main road where Sonny was waiting. 30 minutes later, we left the aid station. When we got back to the car I tried to get us a room at the casino. They were sold out. We had two sleeping bags between the three of us and luckily three sleeping pads. I said to Sonny that I would share my bag with Duke. We kept all of our clothes on, I bundled myself in my small parka and spread the sleeping bag over us a crashed at one of the big aid stations. Sleep was slow to come with the aid station techno pop blaring in the background (to keep the aid station workers awake). I started to worry about our kids back home and our pets, and about things the could be going wrong. But then I saw the star filled sky and I felt Duke's body closely snuggled to mine and I thought to myself that there wasn't anything I could do if something was wrong so I might as well enjoy this space in time that is so rare in our busy world and I fell sound asleep. I haven't slept that close, cuddled up to my husband all night long in years. We only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep but it was better than nothing.

After picking up his drop back and seeing a few people come through one of the aid stations, we headed back to the start line to have breakfast at the cafe. After refueling, we had the honor of visiting with Errol "Rocket" Jones. He was so supportive of Duke and had wonderful words of wisdom to share. It was truly helpful for Duke to hear what he had to say and it helped him to overcome his feeling of defeat from the night before. It was uplifting to end his race experience with that conversation. Sonny and I commented on how fun the weekend had been. It was so nice to have a picnic the night before and that everything was so beautiful. As Duke and I drove the beautiful road along Lake Cuyamaca and talked over the events of the past 24 hours, Duke told me how appreciative he was of my help. I replied, "See? I told you I'd come around".


3 comments:

  1. Just wow. Duke is such a lucky guy to have you! I can imagine how hard it must be for you at times. I'm sure I'll "run" into Duke one of these days at a local race. It appears we aren't that different in terms of running pace. He might be a little faster! My wife rarely comes out to my races anymore. My kids are younger (5 and 9) and my wife is not a fan of the outdoors (which is a terrible shame). Anyway, I love your blog! I'll have to get my wife to read some of it!

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    1. Thanks, John! Duke maybe a pretty lucky guy, but I'm a pretty lucky gal as well. LOL I hope my blog makes you wife feel a little less alone. I'm assuming you live in the Bay area??

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  2. Thanks for your blog. There seems to be very little out there for those of us partnered with these enthusiasts. It's not always an easy path. Your candor and humor are much appreciated!

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